Pregnancy is an extraordinary time in a woman’s life, filled with physical changes, emotional highs and lows, and a flood of unsolicited advice from friends, family, and even strangers. While most people mean well, some remarks can be unintentionally hurtful, invasive, or downright rude. If you’ve ever wondered what not to say to a pregnant woman, you’re not alone. This guide outlines the top ten things you should avoid saying and explains why sensitivity matters so much during this special time.
1. “Are You Sure It’s Not Twins?”
At some point, every pregnant woman hears this phrase, often accompanied by a laugh or a wide-eyed stare at her belly. While it might seem like a harmless joke, it’s usually far from funny to the person on the receiving end.
Why it’s harmful: Comments about her size, whether she’s carrying big or small, can make her feel self-conscious or worried about her baby’s growth. Every pregnancy is unique, and her body is doing incredible work—let’s not turn it into a topic of casual critique.
Better approach: Stick to positivity. Compliment her on how radiant she looks or simply express your excitement about her upcoming arrival.
2. “You’re So Big/Small for X Months!”
Comparisons are never helpful, especially when it comes to a pregnant woman’s body. What might seem like an innocent observation to you could feel like judgment to her.
Why it’s harmful: Such remarks can spark unnecessary anxiety. She might already be worried about her baby’s size or development, and comments like this can feed into those fears.
Better approach: Instead of focusing on her size, show genuine interest in her experience. Ask how she’s feeling or what she’s most excited about as her due date approaches.
3. “You Look Tired.”
Pregnancy often comes with disrupted sleep, increased fatigue, and hormonal shifts that can affect energy levels. Pointing out how tired a pregnant woman looks is stating the obvious—and it’s not helpful.
Why it’s harmful: Comments like this can make her feel insecure about her appearance. Pregnancy already takes a toll on self-image, and being told she “looks tired” is unlikely to boost her mood.
Better approach: Offer support instead of critique. Say something like, “Is there anything I can do to help make your day a little easier?”
4. “Are You Sure You Can Eat That?”
Pregnant women often find themselves under scrutiny for their food choices. Whether it’s sushi, coffee, or a rare steak, someone always has an opinion.
Why it’s harmful: Most pregnant women are well-educated about what they should and shouldn’t eat, thanks to their healthcare providers. Hearing this kind of comment can feel patronizing or judgmental.
Better approach: Keep your opinions to yourself unless asked. If you’re curious, try asking about her cravings instead—it’s a much more enjoyable topic for both of you.
5. “Was It Planned?”
Pregnancy can be a deeply personal journey, and asking whether it was planned crosses a boundary.
Why it’s harmful: This question can come off as intrusive or judgmental, especially if the pregnancy was unexpected. It’s best to focus on supporting and celebrating the news rather than prying into the circumstances.
Better approach: Stick to positive responses like, “Congratulations! I’m so happy for you!”
6. “Just Wait Until…”
It’s tempting to share your own parenting war stories, but phrases like “Just wait until the sleepless nights” or “You think this is hard? Labor is so much worse!” can feel discouraging.
Why it’s harmful: Pregnancy can be overwhelming, and hearing that things will only get harder isn’t comforting. Instead of building her up, you’re adding to her stress.
Better approach: Share positive advice or encouragement, like, “Parenthood is challenging, but it’s the most rewarding journey you’ll ever take.”
7. “Are You Hoping for a Boy or a Girl?”
This question might seem innocent, but it can put undue pressure on the pregnant woman to express a preference—or worse, defend her neutrality.
Why it’s harmful: It implies that one gender might be more desirable than the other, which can be an awkward or sensitive topic for some families.
Better approach: If you’re curious, reframe your question. “Are you finding out the baby’s gender, or are you keeping it a surprise?” is a more neutral and respectful way to inquire.
8. “You’ll Never Have Time for Yourself Again.”
Parenthood certainly comes with sacrifices, but framing it in such a negative light isn’t necessary—or helpful.
Why it’s harmful: Pregnancy is already a time of significant life changes. Hearing that she’s about to lose all personal freedom can make her feel anxious or overwhelmed.
Better approach: Highlight the joys of parenting instead. Say something like, “You’ll be amazed at how much love and laughter this baby brings into your life.”
9. “When Are You Due? You’re Huge Already!”
Comments about a pregnant woman’s due date often focus more on her size than the actual timeline. This kind of remark can feel like a veiled criticism of how she’s carrying her baby.
Why it’s harmful: Body changes during pregnancy are deeply personal, and comments like this can make her feel self-conscious.
Better approach: If you want to ask about her due date, do so without commenting on her appearance. A simple “When is your little one expected to arrive?” works just fine.
10. “Are You Planning to Breastfeed?”
Feeding choices are a deeply personal decision, and this question can unintentionally bring up feelings of guilt or inadequacy.
Why it’s harmful: Not every mother can or wants to breastfeed, and this question can feel like prying into a private matter.
Better approach: Wait for her to bring up the topic if she wants to discuss it. Focus on supporting her choices, whatever they may be.
Why Your Words Matter More Than Ever
Pregnancy is a time of transformation, both physically and emotionally. Hormones, societal pressures, and personal insecurities can make even offhand comments land heavily. That’s why it’s crucial to approach conversations with empathy and care.
Instead of making remarks about her body, her choices, or the challenges ahead, focus on offering support and encouragement. Be the person who lifts her spirits rather than adding to her worries.
How to Be Supportive
If you’re unsure what to say, here are some universally appreciated comments for a pregnant woman:
- “You’re doing such an incredible job.”
- “I can’t wait to meet your little one!”
- “How can I make things easier for you?”
A little thoughtfulness goes a long way in making her pregnancy journey more joyful. Keep the focus on celebrating this special time, and you’ll leave a lasting positive impression.
By avoiding these conversational pitfalls and focusing on kindness and encouragement, you can ensure that your interactions with pregnant women are both respectful and uplifting. After all, pregnancy is a celebration of life, and your words should reflect that.